Touch — a sense more powerful than fish-fingers according to husband….
There seems to be a hierarchy amongst our senses in which touch does not rank very highly. I think it should.
Touch evokes and communicates many emotions silently without the assistance of speech or body language. Planting kisses on cost centre 3’s pillowy cheeks, nuzzling into her tussled hair and sinking into cost centre 2’s strong bear hug induces an instant buzz in my heart and a calmness of my head. At this time, words are not necessary for them both to understand how much I love and am in love with them. Touch is the first sense we develop when born and helps to form the strong bond between mother and child. A theory is that new born babies are attached to their mother not for food — but for touch.
It is a highly complicated sense with the skin, nerves and brain working in synchronicity to determine our response to whatever we graze or determinedly grapple with. Sometimes an innocuous brush can cause us to view someone favourably or create a gentle frisson — even when we don’t remember the touch. Michelle Fiordaliso, a writer wrote in an essay ’touch solidifies something — an introduction, a salutation, a feeling, empathy’. A character in a comedy I like talks about hair washing being the most intimate activity you can carry out with a woman. That’s touch.
The benefits of physical contact help in our mental development, relationships, communication and maintenance of good health. Certain types of touch can lower blood pressure or the heart rate. On my first date with husband I was very nervous. He completely dis-armed and quelled those nerves by gently holding my hand. Even now arguments are halted when he holds me. With that sudden touch he makes it impossible to retain any fierceness, as confrontational energy is magically dissipated. And we aren’t alone. Other animals use contact to establish dominance, bonds and ease. When gorillas are seen grooming each other it is partly to soothe social tensions in the group; mother tigers lick their babies and bear cubs fight and wrestle with each other. Sadly In days gone by, psychologists used to urge parents not to hug and kiss their children in order to create tough children for whom ’no adversity can overcome’ (John Watson, 1928). Children in orphanages were not touched other than when they were being fed or bathed which resulted in mental damage and emotional trauma.
Yet touch has a dark side. It can be used to convey power and patronise through dominant handshakes to pats on bottoms. It can be tricky navigating the minefield of when touch accidentally turns into harassment or causes pain making it difficult to ascertain what the boundary should be. And so rather than be open about this dilemma, we limit the situations in which it can happen making informal and formal contact stilted — contributing to a concept called ‘touch starvation’.
In America a concept around Hug clubs has emerged. It is based on the idea that we need touch to feel grounded and happy. We might not always be aware that ‘touch starvation’ or ‘skin hunger’ could be a cause of our unhappiness, not recognising that in day to day life we don’t always satisfy that need. Hug clubs which as the name implies, offer non sexual touch i.e hugs with strangers, serving from what I can see a much needed purpose for those receiving and those giving the hug. However a Hug club in the Netherlands has taken this concept further if it wasn’t enough…..you can now join to hug cows for 3 hours……
Not surprisingly technology has also stepped into the breach. A team in Japan has developed a robotic hand that lets you ‘experience holding your girlfriend’s hand without a girlfriend. It is called a ‘My girlfriend in walk device’ and it sounds ingenious. This robotic hand consists of sensors which react to pressure, is covered in a soft material that feels like skin and is able to grip back. Within the automation is a heater to mimic the warmth of holding a hand and a process to generate sweat which can be fragranced with the smell of a particular person. I love that even the field of alleviating loneliness, technology has a say.
I am surprised touch and lack of is not something we talk more about in relation to our well being given the positive impact it has on us and society. We should do. It does not require skill or money. Just awareness and the comfort to break boundaries.
